Law School Jokes are Never Funny

"A-students become law professors. B-students become judges. C-students become millionaires."

"First year they scare you, second year they work you, third year they bore you."

And you know what's wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and everybody else doesn't think they're jokes.

Hear ye, hear ye

The admirable Rae over at theNotice is generously hosting a giveaway of a mix of Canada-only products and other shiny items that I have been secretly lusting after because of her. Check it out!

Hold onto your glass slippers as you head on over to enter--the contest closes at the stroke of midnight on January 18, 2010! Don't be a pumpkin, be a pump-KING and read Rae's blog while you're at it--here are some of my favorite posts.

Or maybe you'd be a pump-QUEEN! Or even a PUMPS-queen!

Glass pumps queen?

I'll stop.

PS My Fyrinnae order came in on January 2--review is forthcoming in a week or two, complete with blurry cell phone camera pictures! Rejoice!

Resolve

I will be open-minded when I meet people.

I will not judge them by how they look or how they talk or how they say it, until I have time to hear what they're talking about.

I will welcome people to get to know me and invite them to let me get to know them.

And under no circumstances will I act like a lawyer when I don't need to.

(Also, I will start running five times a week again, and stop spending money on things unless I really need them. ;-) )

Happy Gregorian New Year to the world!

Fire in the Knee!

Haha, lame title! Anyway, I was bad and placed an order for some samples at Fyrinnae Cosmetics (and it's actually pronounced "fyeer-ih-nay"). Super excited because the swatches of their eyeshadows look so complex and beautiful (see the Pink Sith or Fresco Phyrra--Phyrra in particular does some smashing looks), and you really can't beat the prices! Here's the breakdown for what I ordered:

- $1.75 for a 1/4 tsp of eyeshadow sample

- I got Snow Leopard, Knickers in a Twist, Equality, and Monarch Butterfly. (They come in a jar! I don't hate baggie samples, but I prefer jars because it's hard to get product out of bags. Also, sometimes the baggie is not really suited for repeated opening/closing.) Of course, now that I've placed my order I'm kind of regretting not getting Anaconda as well--it looks like a unique matte, dirty khaki green and could be really hot as a smudgy liner. Maybe next time.

- $1.50 for a sample size of blush

- Bewitching

- $2.50 for a 3.5 ml Mini Lip Lustre

- Bloodstains, Lickable, and Visual Kei (I love how they all allude to J-rock. I was initially iffy about ordering these because they've gotten mixed reviews, but I like the idea of a staining gloss and I could always use some moisturizing. Especially since I don't need to drink coffee for an entire work day right now.)

- $1.50 for a 10 ml sample of Pixie Epoxy (pretty excited about trying this one out!)

- $3.00 for a Powder Modifier (converts loose to pressed--my own palettes, here I come!)

Even better--all of that came out to just over $20 (eek! Just a little), which gave me free shipping! Shipping under $20 is at most $3.00 for a domestic order. It's definitely one of the most reasonably priced "mineral makeup" companies I've come across. Speaking of which, Fyrinnae doesn't make mineral makeup per se; they bill themselves as "vegan," but don't quite specifically explain what that means in terms of the actual mineral-y things that go into their products, other than in regards to how most "mineral" makeup isn't...vegan?

*I'm not vegan myself; as a matter of fact, I use products with beeswax and also pure silk powder on a regular basis, and I'm not remotely near to even being vegetarian. But I do understand the philosophy behind veganism, even though I don't prescribe to it myself.*

Fyrinnae says to expect 10-14 business days for shipping (so about 2-3 weeks), which seems a bit long--I think I've been spoiled by the super fast shipping I get with other etailors, though. Can't wait to get my hands on these!

I am a snob: Eye roll

Do you know what is not delicious? Rolling your eyes to express deliciousness.

I don't know when commercials picked up on this idea, but it annoys me to no end. First of all, it makes you look stupid, even when done in earnest. Second, eye rolling should be reserved for very specific and certain circumstances. When you roll your eyes after eating something, it should only be because of at least one of the following four things:

1. You are a teenager, and your mother just told you to take out the trash once you finish eating dinner.

2. You have just figuratively seen heaven. (To be used for extreme circumstances only.)

3. You have just figuratively seen hell, are down for the count, and are not getting up any time soon.

4. You have just been food poisoned, and are seeing a likely reality of both heaven and hell. And the stomach pump at the hospital.

I hate seeing commercials where people roll their eyes after eating something, because the commercial is usually about some kind of microwavable meal, or pre-made-all-you-need-is-an-oven puff pastry/cookie/pizza. There is no way that any of those foods are so delicious that they deserve an I've-just-seen-heaven look. The latest offender to my sensibilities: A Pop-Tart commercial, featuring a tiny little adolescent girl. Who told this child that eye-rolling after eating a Pop-Tart was okay? WHO?! The worst part is that this girl engages in some kind of child interpretation of grown-up banter with her girlfriend right before eating the Pop-Tart and doing her eye roll. It's like Sex and the City in kindergarten meets Kellogg--a terrible crossover I have never wanted to contemplate.

Sure, I eat Pop-Tarts from to time (usually when I need a sugar rush), but no matter how low my blood sugar level and no matter how hungry I am, I never, ever eye roll after eating a Pop-Tart. They are never that good. Someone needs to tell this little girl that before she grows up and starts lavishing eye-rolls on everyone and everything.

Fruit Snacks

I like fruit snacks. I don't like cherry-flavored things. I really don't like cherry-flavored fruit snacks. The local snack vending machine sells Kellogg's Fruity Snacks, which I like. But they are always filled up so that they alternate between Cherry, and then either Mixed Berry (my favorite) or Strawberry (boringly uniform, but better than Cherry). And every time I want a fruit snack, there is always Cherry in front. Somebody somewhere out there is buying the Mixed Berry and/or Strawberry fruit snacks and leaving the Cherry high and dry in the front of the vending cycle. I do not like this person. And I know what they are thinking and what they are doing, because I do the exact same thing. I am on to you, fruit snack arch-nemesis.

What I hate about cherry-flavored things is that they all have the same artificial cherry taste as cough syrup. The Kellogg's Cherry Fruity Snacks are just so. Plus, I swear that there are not only more Cherry bits stuffed into each Cherry snack bag versus the Mixed Berry or Strawberry bags, but each individual bit of Cherry is also bigger than the Mixed Berry and Strawberry bits. I'm pretty sure that (1) the vending machine stuffer is stuffing the machine in the alternating Cherry-Mix/Strawberry-Cherry-Mix/Strawberry order on purpose, and (2) Kellogg's is making the Cherry-flavored snacks bigger and fuller just so that they can annoy the people who associate artificial cherry flavors with cough syrup. Every time I see that perky fuschia bag at the front of the Fruity Snack line, and the head of a purple/pink bag poking out right behind it, I feel an urge to hunt down both the vending machine stuffer and some representative of Kellogg's and forcing them to eat nothing but Cherry Fruity Snacks for a whole day while they're trapped in the library doing nothing but reading law books.

But sometimes I am so desperate for a fruit snack that I buy the Cherry snack just to get to the Mixed Berry snack, and then I have to eat the Cherry fruit snacks out of a sense of duty and responsibility. I always save the Mixed Berry snack for later, but "later" usually means the next day at the very latest. Just knowing that it's right there within reach destroys all of my resistance.

Maui's Fishhook

I can identify exactly five constellations: The Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, Orion, Libra, and Scorpius. Tonight was an unusually clear night, and Scorpius was out--dead and center right in front of me, as a matter of fact. Like having front row seats to a movie I thought I dreamed. Now, I hadn't seen Ol' Stingy in a while, so it took about five minutes of staring at the giant fishhook of its tail and thinking that the pattern was so unusual that it just had to be a constellation before I finally remembered which constellation it was. Three seconds after this dawned on me, a bright point of hot blue light grew beneath the tail, slashed a perfect diagonal of light almost the same width as the scorpion's deadly hook from right to left, and disappeared in less than a second. If I had blinked, I would have missed it.

I was giddy, but the only one in the party. Everyone else thought my cry of "look! Shooting star!" meant the airplane lumbering by, or the tumbling antics of a night-flying dove with a belly illuminated by lamplight. Let me tell you, though: Remembering a constellation you haven't even glimpsed sight of in more than a decade is a pretty good feeling, but seeing a shooting star so clear that it could have fallen just for you feels even better.